ag·nos·tic
[ag-nos-tik] Show IPA
noun
1.
a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature ofthings are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. Synonyms:disbeliever, nonbeliever, unbeliever; doubter, skeptic, secularist, empiricist; heathen, heretic, infidel,pagan.
2.
a person who denies or doubts the possibility of ultimate knowledge in some area of study.
3.
a person who holds neither of two opposing positions on a topic: Socrates was an agnostic on thesubject of immortality.
I call myself an agnostic (or a ‘sorta Pagan’ one because if
there is something out there, it’s not just one big male entity in the
sky).
There are several reasons for this.
I have no idea if the Divine/Deity/God(s)/whatever
exist. I can’t know that for certain.
Why? Well, it’s just too much for me to
wrap my head around. I’ll freely admit that.
However, instead of making up stories to explain things, I just truck
through life saying, “I dunno.”
There is more to it than that, however. It’s muddy.
Bear with me. I think that IF
there is a divine presence in the universe, something outside of Nature, which
I do believe in, I believe that this entity gave up on us a long freakin’ time
ago. We were deemed unworthy somehow,
or we just fucked up the concepts of the Divine so badly that it just washed
its hands of us.
Do I do any form of ritual or prayer or meditation? I used to, and sometimes I just kind of
commune with whatever *might* be out there.
I’m trying to show that I do have love in my heart and room in my heart
for the Divine if it exists and if it will show itself to me.
I’m just trying to get through life as best as I can and
hope that one day, if there is something out there, I’ll finally experience it. I’ll finally show that I’m worthy. We are worthy of the Divine. I do believe
that. I do not believe in sin.
I just feel abandoned.
Things that I will not address here have really made me question the
INVOLVEMENT of the Divine, rather than the existence itself. I feel that It/They turned away from us because of how we took organized religion and fucked
everything up with it. I think
organized religion is a terrible response to the Divine. I don’t want to be made to feel unworthy, as
many practitioners of organized religions do.
I also don’t want to be the type of person who prays only when I need
something. I don’t want to be an
asshole.
I don’t want to be alone in the universe.
Still, it has been my experience that ritual and prayer and
things of that nature do nothing. Not
for me, anyway. You can pray in one hand
and shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.
So, do I believe in an idea of god? I dunno.
Maybe. I’m open to it. My heart is open and ready to receive, but
I’m not going to practice something that feels empty to me right now. That is why I eschew organized religion.
